Releasing Anger
© 2014 GypsyJaguar
The word anger stems from the Old Norse word angr, meaning "grief." Anger is one of the emotions we experience as we go through the process of grieving, whether it be from the death of a loved-one, a dissolved relationship, loss of a job, debilitating illness, or any other sort of a major life change. Anger is a composite of our frustrations, fears, unanswered questions and internal conflicts which we have not come to terms with in our own minds.
When we get angry at somebody, something they said or did "got under our skin," "touched a nerve," or "set us off." Initially, what happened is their words or actions ignited our fear response, triggering a memory of a past experience that we do not wish to relive. This ramps up our adrenaline to prepare our bodies to take action to protect ourselves. |
When we get scared, our natural response is to freeze, fight or flee. This response system is ingrained in us from our earliest ancestors. It was their instinctual way of survival. If we have experienced a lot of emotional hardships, we will begin to respond to social and emotional issues with these survival instincts to protect ourselves from future emotional harm.
Signs of Pent-up Anger
* demonstrating overly aggressive behavior
* slamming doors closed and/or items down
* stomping feet
* severe road rage and/or speeding
* speaking increasingly louder
* growling or groaning
* verbally or physically attacking others
* showing lack of consideration for others
* constant frowning, furrowing eyebrows
* clenching of fists, jaw
It's perfectly natural to feel angry once in a while. We all get scared, feel intruded upon, get offended and get fed up with certain people or circumstances around us from time to time. But, we should remember that even though there are some undesirable people and situations that we should protect ourselves from, most people are not purposely trying to hurt us, and the circumstances we are faced with are not always there to specifically cause us pain.
Many disagreements or situations that lead to anger are simple misunderstandings. We often interpret what we see, hear and experience in alignment with our current way of perceiving the world around us. If we are feeling insecure, everything we see and hear will seem to be a criticism of our worth. When we're angry, everything around us is seen as a personal attack, a reason to fight, argue or otherwise feed the rush of anger to the point of release. It's how we release our anger that can make all of the difference in the world. |
Releasing our anger in a way that is physically, mentally, or emotionally harmful to ourselves or others is not healthy. It merely causes additional pain and anguish which only continues the cycle of fear and hatred. Keeping our angry feelings bottled up inside of us is not the answer either. We need to explore and express these feelings to be able to work through them. The goal is to reach a healthy balance between the two extremes. When we can release our anger in more controlled ways, we can actually manipulate the energy to benefit ourselves and those around us.
Healthy Ways to Release Anger
These are suggestions of ways to let out your anger and frustrations in a controlled environment,
within the privacy of your own home, or a safe distance away from others.
Please remember to be aware of safety precautions.
- pounding punching bags
- beating up bed cushions
- having a controlled and private temper tantrum
- venting to a trusted friend or loved-one
- screaming into a pillow
- yelling out loud in a secluded nature spot
- belting out some emotional songs
- throwing your soul into your music or art
- writing out your frustrations
- taking a brisk walk
- going for a run
- throwing darts at a board
- slamming bouncy balls against a wall
- stacking wood
- hammering nails into a board
- power-hitting golf balls at a driving range
- playing 'whack-a-mole'
If you find yourself in a position where you suddenly feel angry, stop and give yourself a moment. Take a deep breath, regain control of your emotions and think about where this feeling is stemming from. This will help you to think more rationally and logically, therefore allowing you to express yourself more calmly and diplomatically. Double-check to make sure you haven't misunderstood something. Ask questions before assuming anything.
Quite often, our anger can be triggered by a reminder of an old issue we have that we haven't quite figured out yet. We are basically confused about how we really feel about the issue, but know, at least, that it is something that we are uncomfortable with accepting. Talking with someone we trust, writing out how we feel, or otherwise exploring and expressing our thoughts and feelings is essential in helping to get a hold of what is truly bothering us and how we stand on the whole of any issue.
Keep in mind that some behaviors that we get angry about can be a reflection of a side of ourselves that we do not want to admit to. Our perception of the way another person is behaving can show us traits about ourselves that we would rather hide, avoid, or abolish altogether. The lesson within this often reveals an unbalance that we need to even out by embracing our traits that we are afraid of letting run wild. These are usually hidden powers within us that we just need to learn how to control and use in a more beneficial way.
We always have several choices in how we wish to respond to our feelings of anger. The key is to discern the proper times, places, and healthiest ways to release these feelings. It takes a lot of time, patience (mostly with yourself), and trial and error to work through, but when you start to notice the changes and progress your efforts have made, you will begin to see a big difference in how others react to you, as well as how you feel about yourself.
Quite often, our anger can be triggered by a reminder of an old issue we have that we haven't quite figured out yet. We are basically confused about how we really feel about the issue, but know, at least, that it is something that we are uncomfortable with accepting. Talking with someone we trust, writing out how we feel, or otherwise exploring and expressing our thoughts and feelings is essential in helping to get a hold of what is truly bothering us and how we stand on the whole of any issue.
Keep in mind that some behaviors that we get angry about can be a reflection of a side of ourselves that we do not want to admit to. Our perception of the way another person is behaving can show us traits about ourselves that we would rather hide, avoid, or abolish altogether. The lesson within this often reveals an unbalance that we need to even out by embracing our traits that we are afraid of letting run wild. These are usually hidden powers within us that we just need to learn how to control and use in a more beneficial way.
We always have several choices in how we wish to respond to our feelings of anger. The key is to discern the proper times, places, and healthiest ways to release these feelings. It takes a lot of time, patience (mostly with yourself), and trial and error to work through, but when you start to notice the changes and progress your efforts have made, you will begin to see a big difference in how others react to you, as well as how you feel about yourself.
*Note: If you seem to have a great deal of difficulty controlling your anger over a prolonged length of time, or your feelings do not seem to have an obvious origin, consider looking into the possibility that your specific anger issues may have a medical root cause. There are some medical conditions that include symptoms of irritability, anger, or the like. Check with your health care provider to find out more.
Also see:
Emotional Healing - Dealing With Issues - Coping with Grief - Why Bad Things Happen to Good People - Releasing Anger - Forgiveness - Acceptance - Facing Your Fears - True Strength - Rediscovering Yourself - A Feel-Good Project - Finding Your True Love
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